By: Trish "trainwreck" Weaver
(try saying that real fast)

Captain Ron's house is together again

Bring on the beers and shots of GM

A summer of debauchery is on its way

So to the Gods of Dewey I must pray

Keep the Red Bull and Vodka out of my cup

And make me come home before the sun comes up

Keep the hairdryer far away from Al's butt

And hope that his sex toys please every Dewey slut

Keep Neal's eyes from rolling back in his head

If they do, grab the nail polish the fiery red

Keep out of Chris's room, the closet's for him

Keep the body hair from growing back on Dr. Tim

Give Leanne the courage to drive her car

Because the DART bus will only take her so far

Give Hickey Boy Sheldon money to buy me some beer

And some tall blonde hooker in a size D brassiere

Give Billy Michels a big bushy mustache

And the power to drink without getting a rash

Keep FBR Karen from doing stair-dives

And her Camaro from doing the Bethany drives

Give Captain Ron the power to stop the snore

Keep Eric the tank from knocking guys to the floor

Give Curtis a pole so he can dance all night long

Cause Mike's got plenty of ones to put in his thong

Keep Jen McHugh from turning so red

It's okay to get hickeys and have boys in your bed

Cindy, for you I don't know what I should pray

Could you do something stupid when you are drunk one day?

For anyone else who is new to this clan

You must be warned of the Little Angry Mexican man

He turns the heat on when we're running the AC

And sings a bad version of Mother that's really off key

Let's raise our glasses to a great summer ahead

And pray that no one else decides to wet the bed

-Trish